It’s so curious: one can resist tears and ‘behave’ very well in the hardest hours of grief. But then someone makes you a friendly sign behind a window, or one notices that a flower that was in bud only yesterday has suddenly blossomed, or a letter slips from a drawer… and everything collapses.
Colette
I wrote a recent blog about grieving as if my experiences make me an expert on the stages of grief. Then I found out that even the experts don’t really agree on the why’s and how’s of grieving and dismiss somewhat the ubiquitous ‘stages’, as Ruth Davis Konigsberg writes in Time Magizines article, New Ways To Think About Grief http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,2042372,00.html?artId=2042372?contType=article?chn=us
A whole culture has been created from the steps of grieving first articulated by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and yet we still mourn our losses without any magic cure or standard operating procedures. The research does suggest however, that grieving doesn’t last forever, which is a fact that may not make you feel any better right now except to give you some hope for the future.
Like the kids camp song ‘Goin’ On A Lion Hunt’ we’ve got our guns at our side and our bullets too, but when we come to the tall grass or wide river or mud bog of grief we ‘can’t get over it, can’t go under it, can’t get around it, gotta go through it.’
My best self-talk advice as I’m mourning a loss is to remember to pray. Talk to God, let Him know how ripped off or hurt or sad or scared or angry or whatever emotions and heartache you are experiencing. Even if it doesn’t feel like it when you’re grieving, you are His child and unseen angels can comfort you and bind up your broken heart if you will only ask.
Because each person’s path is unique, if you find yourself in the bog of grief there is no standard time expectation to ‘get over it’, you’re on your own schedule and will figure how to honor your loss if you just keep breathing and moving forward one step at a time. Eventually you’ll realize that as you’ve been slogging your way across the bog of grief you have finally come to accept your loss and changed life. And that’s when the miracle occurs. Suddenly you look around and realize you’re at the other side and can stand on solid ground and begin to wipe the muck off your feet. Then you’ll notice that every muscle has become stronger so that moving forward without being bogged down brings the relief of freedom and renewed energy. That’s when I’d recommend prayer, with gratitude, if you weren’t removed from the bog, you were strengthened to get through it, because you are loved.
