I don’t always recognize why right away, but I get a little melancholy around Easter time, a physical response initially without conscious awareness. I know it’s supposed to be a time of joy, a time of hope, a time to celebrate that our Savior was resurrected and offers us that possibility too, but the sorrow that accompanies death sneaks up on me in the spring. And then at some point I have my ah-ha moment. Oh yeah, I lost my unborn children in the spring, and I ponder all the heartaches and losses of my life, remembering my beloved Aunt Darlene and Grandma & Grandpa Caldwell and Grandpa Neibarger and Grandma & Grandpa Mook and John, my father-in-law, as I miss them all.
Today I took a walk through our nearby state park and stopped to check on a small gravesite near the bank of a river, hopeful that the flower seeds had begun to sprout. A couple of weeks ago, I held our pet guinea pig, Sophie, in my arms as she took her last breath. With tears streaming down my face I drove her and our hopeful youngest to the emergency vet center where they confirmed what I already knew. I don’t know why she died, we thought she was getting better. My tears were for my children and their sorrow, and my own inability to shield them from grief and because I loved Sophie. I’ve lost many pets to death, but to have my children experience it for the first time was a new type of heartbreak, and it humbled me.
Because I have no power to overcome death for myself or anyone else, I want to believe in Jesus Christ. But merely wishing it was true doesn’t express the depth of my conviction, I do believe deep in my soul that God really loves us and that Christ did overcome death, providing a way for all of us to live again. Knowing this makes me miss my loved ones, but gives me hope that I will see them again. It makes me sad that my children lost a pet, but gives me assurance that each life is precious to God. It overshadows any grief or loss with an internal peace that defies any other explanation than being of divine origin, and ultimately it makes my Easter celebration that much sweeter, filling me with gratitude that swells my heart and bows my head.
If I can give my children or whoever reads this anything of lasting value, I would offer my faith that Jesus Christ is our Savior and that He lives now, and I encourage you to seek Him.
