Some people call it coincidence, I call it God’s love.
Some people call it manifesting, or ‘The Secret’, I call it prayer.
I woke up this morning with these two ideas in my mind and I want to capture my thoughts and the progression of my faith.
For much of when I was younger I thought that I was invisible, that God didn’t know or care about or love me. This was a sad idea to me but was the only explanation I had for why I felt so alone. I was the oldest child and it seemed like I had to figure everything out on my own. I don’t remember praying or having much faith at all because what would be the point if you are invisible? And even though I was a voracious reader, I thought the scriptures would be boring.
Overall however I had a good life with a loving rambunctious family. We always had food to eat and clothes to wear. We went on adventures and found friends everywhere we moved. And yet when it came to God I just didn’t think I mattered so I went to church but didn’t usually pray or study the scriptures. I figured God had so many other things to worry about and I was doing just fine so why bother him when He probably wouldn’t answer anyway?
Until He did, in ways I now recognize as Divine guidance to my mind and heart, even though at the time I dismissed them as a coincidence…
Reluctantly reading the Book of Mormon for the first time in college & knowing in my mind and heart that it was true? Divine revelation
Volunteering for Special Olympics? Divine guidance
That nagging, persistent thought to serve a mission? Divine guidance
Switching my major to Special Education? Divine guidance
Falling in love with each of my children before they were born? Divine revelation
Getting out of an abusive marriage and learning to forgive? Divine guidance
The house I wanted to live in becoming available exactly when I needed it? An answer to unspoken prayer
Finding a full time job when I needed it? Divine guidance
Applying to HGSE? Divine guidance
Hope and healing in my relationships with my children? An answer to many prayers
Moving to live near family right before a pandemic? Divine guidance
Finding a job I love with fun and caring people that incorporates all my areas of interest, study and strengths? An answer to prayer
My ability to find and purchase a house within my budget in a time of rising home prices? An answer to prayer
How can I presume to take credit for ‘manifesting’ the many good things in my life when I was unaware of or resistant to them in the first place? How can I be clueless enough to think that things would magically align so perfectly that it could be considered a ‘coincidence’?
With reflection I realize what a huge act of hubris and ingratitude it is to think that I have been invisible to God. Yes, I have had challenges that have broken my heart. Yes, many things have been difficult. But if I look back and connect the dots of support and guidance and help I have received, I can see a more complete picture of how God has shown his love and His hand in my life.
Call it what you want, but now, despite my tendency to blindness, I see that it is God’s love.
